Reports of Neymar bringing death and destruction to Brazil by way of a 500-person super spreader event lasting for five consecutive days inside a soundproofed dungeon have been greatly exaggerated. According to Reuters, itll just be the 150 people at his New Years Eve party down the coast from Rio de Janeiro.
Honestly, that number isnt much more than the usual entourage that accompanies Neymar wherever he goes. Three-time NBA champion Draymond Green, after partying with them in Ibiza, once labeled the clique as a huge cult.
I, too, would rather be in a cult that pays me $11,700 a month to run around the Amnesia dance floor rather than one that forces me to drink cyanide, but I digress.
With Brazil quickly approaching 200,000 deaths because of coronavirus, its an impossibly dumb maneuver on Neymars end. But its one thats completely in line with his personal brand even if he tried to keep it a secret by banning mobile phones (which is only ever a good idea if youre trying to recreate 30 Days of Night).
Its well known in Brazil that the only safe professional route in times of economic crisis is that of Neymars friend, but COVID-19 doesnt discriminate. The party, in effect, is the ultimate trial of the tattoo on Neymars left arm that reads Life is a joke.
Party organizers say Neymarpalooza will be subjected to the strictest of health rules, and given Neymars weekly earnings of around $1 million theres really nothing the 28-year-old cant achieve here.
Ive seen a number of good ideas:
All good ideas.
The best idea, however, is the one that couldve stopped this whole damn pandemic in a matter of weeks. What if, after showing images of the previous events, Neymar had organized a sort of Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory type contest that promised a Golden Ticket pass after completing a two-week quarantine period?
Neymar rings in 2020 with 26 women.
Neymar's 2019 party: "I'm on a boat motherfucker!"
The entire world wouldve submitted in hopes of spending days on end inside a bunkered discoteca, and poof, COVID-19 is gone! I wouldve been Augustus Gloop, floating to my death down a river of caipirinha.
Instead of being derided as an absolute prat, we probably wouldve handed Neymar the Ballon dOr in 2021 or at least the Nobel Prize.
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